Life Coaching| Foundations of Coaching & Client relationship

Life Coaching| Foundations of Coaching & Client relationship

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay 

If you are looking for a Life Coach and yet wondering, what it is all about then read through the end of this article. This is from the perspective of a client and what they need to allow & permit to bond well with a coach. 

We all may be a bit reluctant at first before sharing any personal secrets, however, if you are looking for a perfect solution to your life/personal issues then you have to open up?

In the previous article, I have already made the following points clear

1. Meaning & Definition of Coach (ICF)
2. What actually is a life coach and what they do?
3. Why would you work with a Life Coach?
4. How does life coaching work?

Yet, if you need more insights then go through this - Why would you work with a life coach

Moving ahead, I would like to share the foundation of Life coaching.

Coaching is an authentic relationship. The foundation of coaching is a relationship between client & Coach.  Or, possibly, well said: “Coaching is a relationship”. First, Relationship takes place with your coach and change follows.

Any change or transformation that is going to take place is going to be the result of the conversion of life – not information on life

This might look like a no-brainer, and there may be a propensity to flick through this without wholly understanding it because it sounds too simple.

But the fact of the matter is, the ordinary person indeed doesn’t do relationships all that well.  If you don’t already engage in healthy relationships with your coach, it’s an impairment to how well you can be associated with your coach?

The Coaching & Client relationship requires the following attributes. To transform your life towards the “new you” that you desire, your coach deserves the following.

Trust

I will define trust here as truthfulness, trustworthiness, and basic promise-keeping.

Let's say if you were to take a seat on your recliner in the living room to watch TV, are you going to first examine the recliner to see if it can support your weight? Instead, you are just going to sit down with zero thoughts or reluctance about the matter, right? Why because you have an understanding of the integrity and soundness of the chair that enables you to have faith.  Besides, because the chair has been faithful and reliable, you can just drop all your weight on it, isn’t it? Taking a seat doesn’t require much effort on your part; it is just because of the character of the chair and your unconditional trust on it.

Similarly, In Coaching & Client relationship - trust is an intangible quality that is made on the truthfulness of a person constantly revealing that their words and actions are completely consistent.  There is no hole that calls for a re-investigation.

Then again, it is correct that trust does build over time.  The other characteristics are also much knotted with trust as you will see as we progress in our topic today:

Clear Communication

Clear communication means: both parties are aware of what is expected of them in the relationship.  There are slight or no grey areas. Even if there are any doubts, there should be openness for asking clarifications.

This goes hand-in-hand with trust; as trust means giving the benefit of the doubt that if there is a hole it’s most likely a lack of communication rather than an integrity issue.

Transparency (Unconditional Love)

Transparency is surrendering yourself completely - inside and out. There is a percentage of your life that could be explored in a scientific way to provide a history of where you’ve been or what you’ve done.  When you offer that history, it is an important part of being transparent. Without which it is not possible for any coach to guide you for your betterment.

Internal transparency is a very different matter.  It answers questions of belief and being. How will you answer? If your coach asks you some of the questions as below:

1. How are you doing?
2. How are you feeling?
3. What do you believe?
4. How do you feel about…?

In most cases, you may give generic answers to these questions: Good, Okay or Fine. But, Transparency demands you to be brutally honest and to confront the fear of being rejected. That is called unconditional love when you can share everything with someone (coach) without the feeling of being judged or rejected.

Accountability

When you trust your coach and give him the benefit of the doubt, you pursue authentic relationships where you are truly accountable to one another. 

Belief

Basic belief is that you give the benefit of the doubt in every situation.

Vulnerability

When you come to the place of being vulnerable, it means that you are actually sharing something that might make you less desirable, less “legendary” to others, or weaker in the eyes of you and others. 

Remember, Client & coach relationship is the one which you create intentionally by keeping certain end results in your mind? So to attain these relationships, you have to create an environment so that those kinds of relationships can grow.

Help your coach to cultivate the coaching relationship- from the perspective of the coach

Cultivating the characteristics of the coaching relationship means possibly stepping into some scary unknown places for both the coach and the client.  

A coach will never see the ultimate success of a changed life until they know the condition of a person’s heart.

I would like to use the example of fishing.  When you go fishing and the pole starts bending down, the pole is only bending because it’s snagged something.  That something could be anything.  But the pole bending is the result that there’s something below the surface.  Until we go there, it’s anyone’s guess.

It’s the heart of a coach to go after things under the surface and to believe in the client enough to take responsibility and choose change.

Some ways that a client can cultivate this kind of relationship are:

Minimize the difference between professional and personal identities

As social creatures, you probably have learned even in elementary school how to be social survivalists.  You carefully managed your reputations and never took risks so that you didn’t lose relationships or lose face.

Even as adults, if you look at an individual’s presence in social media – Twitter, Facebook, etc. – you only see the facet of their life that they are willing to share.  Very little of it is risky.  People will often share what they had for breakfast but not their greatest fear.  They’ll share a photo of themselves at a bar toasting with friends, but they won’t share how most of the night they just felt really alone while surrounded by people.

We all look pretty amazing on social media, isn’t it?

This will carry on at some level in your coaching relationship. However, it’s important that being a client you should reveal all your identities so that your coach can go dip down and find a perfect solution for you.   

You must stress that there is only you & your coach – not just the professional one, not just the family one, not just the friend one.

Take a personal risk

Begin cultivating the authentic relationship by sharing the “Real you” that you don’t share on Facebook.

1. Who are you really?
2. What are your dreams?
3. What have been your fears?
4. What have been your failures?

This level of sharing will not make you lose credibility.  In fact, it will often give you credibility.

Hopefully, being a client - now you know better, how to behave in a coaching & client relationship? To get the maximum potential out of this relationship you should learn to trust, being vulnerable and most importantly surrender yourself unconditionally.    

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